


Predicament

by Kestrealbird



Series: Dysfunctional Family [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Quill's A+ Information, Shenanigans, Slight Protective Loki, Tony is having some Regrets, be warned if that's bad for you I guess?, there are slug-crabs here so, yeet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 10:28:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14669163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kestrealbird/pseuds/Kestrealbird
Summary: “Why don't you just call it over and break us out of here then?” Tony mutters. Loki gives him a blank look.“I mean,” Thor says, half-shrugging his shoulders, “if you want me to bring down the whole mountain on top of us then…”“Okay nevermind, don't do that.”





	Predicament

**Author's Note:**

> AO3 wouldn't let me post this last night so here it is now I'm sick of looking at it just take these idiots away from me already

He looks up at the caved-in ceiling with a frown, at the runes that are cutting off any magical bullshit, puts his hands on his hips, and sighs. “Full disclosure that I take no blame for this.” 

Strange looks forlornly down at his hands, his cloak patting his face in a semblance of comfort and Tony is suddenly reminded of the man’s history and feels his heart ache a little at the sight. “You’ll take partial blame at least, given that this was your plan to begin with,” Loki says, leaning against the far wall with his arms crossed.

And yeah, okay, it  _ was  _ his plan to try and be all diplomatic with these creatures - slug crabs? They looked like slug crabs - so maybe it hadn't been his best idea to come down here without his suit as a peace offering, but then the Guardians hadn't exactly told him that these creatures weren't friendly, had they?

So he hadn’t really been prepared for the guns pointed at him, and Strange and Loki hadn’t been prepared to find out that this place was basically a big old ‘fuck no’ for magic bullshit, which, of course, lead to them running for their lives and getting trapped in a cave system under a mountain, where they found Thor in shackles looking bored and not at all surprised to see them there.

He was the whole reason they’d come down here anyway, so Tony’s willing to take that partial blame, at least. 

“What did you do to piss them off?” Thor’s head rolls to stare directly at Loki who shrugs and points his chin at Tony and Strange. Asshole.

“Those two were immediate enemies upon sight.” His voice is devoid of humour, and he sounds about as bored as Thor looks. Seriously what kind of shit have these two been through together? “Maybe it’s the beard,” Loki decides, finally.

As far as predicaments go, it’s not the worst situation to be in. Sure he’d rather have an eel permanently stuck around his neck then be here with Loki and yeah Strange is too much like himself to be comfortable company but at least Thor is here and he likes Thor. They get along well enough. Plus Thor’s lightning show isn’t  _ magic _ apparently so that's a bonus. 

They just need to find out how to get those shackles off for it to count.

Strange finally looks up from his hands and turns to regard Thor, his cape settling around his shoulders like a blanket. “Where’s your axe? If it’s anything like the hammer, I doubt they can move it.”

Thor smiles. “They can't. Stormbreaker was left on their own where they landed, wherever that is.”

“Why don't you just call it over and break us out of here then?” Tony mutters. Loki gives him a blank look.

“I mean,” Thor says, half-shrugging his shoulders, “if you want me to bring down the whole mountain on top of us then…”

“Okay nevermind, don't do that.”

“We,” Strange says, very suddenly, “are in a terrible situation then.”

Tony raises a brow. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“Shush!” Loki hisses.

Voices echo from down the tunnels, the sound of pincers snapping and bodies sliding wetly over the floor making Tony’s hair stand on end in disgust. He should’ve stayed at home. After all this is done, he’s going to take a very long shower, and every vaccination he’s physically allowed to get will be injected straight into his goddamn organs. 

Jesus he needs some Scotch. Maybe a Whiskey. 

There’s a hushed silence as they all wait with baited breath, Thor sitting up straighter against the wall as Loki slips a dagger into his hand from his sleeve. Tony pretends not to see the way he subtly places himself a little more in front of his brother, mouth forming a grim line in case a fight breaks out.

For all they’ve been through - and he doesn't know the full story, let alone expect to ever hear it - Tony knows that they’re still brothers who love each other more than anything in the world, maybe even the Universe, if he wants to try and tread on that specific minefield. He doesn't, and ignores the implications it might put in his head. 

Loki isn't...well he isn’t a  _ friend _ and he certainly isn't an ally because he likes everyone, but he’s definitely close to Thor and, surprisingly, Bruce to the point that he was very willing to cause an  _ actual apocalypse _ just because Thor asked him to. And the Hulk? Well he seems pretty lackadaisical about the whole thing and that speaks more about him than words and explanations ever could. 

Strange’s oddly sentient cape - still not the weirdest thing he’s ever seen, admittedly - rears up like an aggressive snake, coiling around Strange’s body like a shield. Tony really misses his damn suit. This really is the last time he takes Quill’s advice on anything to do with foreign planets. 

At least he can breath normal air here, which is a vast improvement from the last planet he went to. 

The creatures pass by and nothing happens. They don't even notice this little group huddled in a cavern together as they talk amongst themselves. He doesn't know a lot of this language, but he’s learned enough to pick up where the main exit is, and that it’s heavily guarded. Typical business really. Like he expected anything less given everyone’s collective history. 

They wait a few more moments before minutely relaxing, and Thor stands up, rolling his shoulders to get rid of any kinks. Loki’s sharp eyes flicker in his direction, glaring holes into the shackles around his wrists. Tony looks away from the scene. It’s still a little odd having Loki working with them like this.

Thor says, “we need to get moving,” and Loki bites his tongue to stop himself from arguing. He knows his brother is more than capable of taking down his foes regardless of the chains but he can't help feeling protective. 

Strange nods his assent and they swiftly move out of the cavern, ducking behind pillars and whatever cover they can find to keep themselves out of sight, moving as quietly as they can to find the exit. 

Tony stops in front of them rather abruptly, making Strange curse something foul. “Thor there’s a window here. Do you think Storm-whatever can fit through it?”

The window is just large enough for Thor’s weapon to come through without breaking anything, though it is a struggle to clamber onto each other’s shoulders so that Tony can reach it and open the hatch. Because apparently that stupid cape can fling a man across the room like he weighs nothing but can’t open a goddamn window on it’s own. Fucking typical.

Loki is the one who holds Stormbreaker in his hands and uses them to break Thor’s shackles, failing to hide his delight when they clatter to the floor in pieces. 

“Can't believe we beat your crazy ass in New York,” Tony mutters.

“Correction: Hulk beat him on his own. The rest of you just helped, from what I remember seeing,” Strange says mildly.

“Exactly,” Tony dryly replies, “it was a team effort. Hulk just happened to get the winning blow.”

Thor twirls Stormbreaker in his hands, making the Cape flutter around Strange once more.

Loki raises a brow and smirks. “Rather attached to you, isn’t he?”

“He?” Strange cocks his head, confused.

“Yes,” Thor replies, like it’s obvious. “Your cape is male. It’s not hard to figure out.”

Loki nods. “Mjolnir was a temperamental woman, you see.”

“Lady,” Thor corrects. “You know she hated it when you called her otherwise.”

“What’s she going to do? Send me flying?”

Thor smiles. “Stormbreaker inherited her spirit, you know.”

“I can't believe this,” Tony mutters. “Of all the things you guys have said this is the worst one.”

“Your suit is female, Stark.”

“Well,” he muses, “that explains why she’s more receptive with FRIDAY then, doesn’t it?”

“Naturally,” the brothers reply in tandem.

Tony begins walking again, feeling very tired of this whole situation. At least now he can make jokes about it. Rhodey will appreciate them, at least. And Pepper. Man he misses Pepper. It’s not the longest that he’s ever been away from her, obviously, but he hates leaving her for too long these days. Maybe he’s getting sentimental or something. 

He’ll ask Bucky later. He would know.

There’s a tingle of something familiar behind him. Tony frowns, trying to place where he’s felt this sensation before, and Strange whirls around in a flurry of cloth, his finger pointed at Loki with a snarled, “you.” Ah. Right. Loki’s magic.

He takes a very deep, very calming breath. Seidr isn't technically magic; he remembers being told about that before, when he was too drunk to really listen, but before he gets mad at Loki for being his usual mischievous self he’s all too reminded that the only reason Reindeer Games is here at all is because he’d wanted to make sure his brother was returned safely. 

The easiest way to find him was to simply “go with the flow” of whatever happened, it seems. He can't fault Loki for it, not really, and judging by the coy smirk Loki is giving them and the frustrated grunt from Strange, everyone here damn well knows it.

He keeps walking, tuning out the bickering going on behind him from the two sorcerers, and only stops in his tracks when Thor yanks him back by his collar to hide him from view. He’s very proud to say that he managed not to squeal.

“Thor what the fuck,” he hisses. Thor lifts a finger to his lips and points. Tony looks over to see the exit they’d been searching for and almost sobs at the difficulty level set before them.

He really has been playing too many games with Peter and Quill recently. 

There are guards stationed everywhere, even in the crevices on the ceiling, and Tony gets the distinct feeling that simply sneaking past won't be an option here. His “friends” are all looking at him like they expect him to be a distraction and Tony, in all his maturity, flips them off.

Thor’s voice, when he speaks up, is bright and delighted. “We should do ‘get help’.”

“We are not doing ‘get help’ we left that skit back in Sakaar,” Loki replies, frowning.

Strange mouths ‘Sakaar’ and Tony shrugs. He has no idea either. “So uh, mind explaining what that plan is in a language we mortals can understand or…?”

Without warning Loki picks up Doctor Strange and, ignoring his protests, vaults him across the room and into the group of guards in front of the door, instantly causing a commotion right in front of it. “Did you really just..?”

“Yeet him across the room? Yes. There’s your explanation.” 

Thor snickers behind his fist, shoulders shaking with the effort to contain his laughter. Tony swallows. “Nice, uh, explanation.”

He suddenly feels a lot less comfortable around two gods that could literally throw him into the void. Maybe it’d be safer if he just. Handed himself over and waited for Steve.

Strange screams bloody murder in about six different languages. Thor leans over to Loki and makes an iffy gesture with his hand. “I give him an 8.”

Definitely safer to wait for Steve. 


End file.
